are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
