He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
