Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
