I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
