So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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