I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
