drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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