the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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