Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
