You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
