You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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