Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
