I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
