No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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