I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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