FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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