I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
