4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
