a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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