Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He did a backflip because drugs
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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