My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
