At least make sure they are 18
Why
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
