Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
