Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
