Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
