Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
