My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
