Don't make out with my wife yet
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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