tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
