a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
