i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
