I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
