My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
