I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I supernannyed him into submission
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
