Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
