I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have tasted many bathrooms
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
