Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
