woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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