Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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