New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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