its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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