we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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