Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
