She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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