Just cropdusted the office
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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