it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
