he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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