She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
