I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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