can u get pink eye on your cock?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
