My boss' voice literally gives me gas
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
