We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
